This is probably what everyone wants. To die in their sleep when they grow old to save them the pain. Unlike the majority of people, I want this right now. I want to go to sleep tonight and not wake up tomorrow morning. I feel so... truly worthless and horrific and I want to puke and cry and scream and smoke and die die die. I had my first counselling session this week and the woman was lovely. Really truly fucking lovely and it'll be nice to talk to her. The day before that, uncle M came down and him and my grandma were at ours for the day before going to Cyprus the day of my first session, to see the rest of my mum's side of the family. It makes me feel sort of horrid that they're all there and we're here, but... whatever. I just feel like a worthless, disgusting being and I can't shake it. I can feel myself getting fatter and I just want to cry cut
die.
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