May 30th, 2012

Sonya's letter

Ellie,

I want to tell you the truth about my mum and I’s experience with your father – you have to excuse me if I’m being too honestly but I think that you are old enough to hear it. My mum has always been the black sheep of the family. Our grandparents were horrible and nasty to her because she didn’t care about education, money and prestige – which also became Farrokh’s rage and hate against my mother as well. When your parents met and later got married, it was one of the best days of my mum’s life – she was so happy! Jane was so nice and lovely as usual to us but every time we stayed at their house, Farrokh was cruel and very bitter – constantly screaming and moaning about small things.

My mum went into a coma when I was 15 years old (13 years ago) and Farrokh and Firouzeh came to Sweden to visit us. They harassed me and were horrible to me the whole time during their visit – they laughed at me when I told them I wanted to become an actress. They both told me that the only type of people want to become actresses are whores, and that I should become an engineer instead, or an accountant – surprise, surprise.

When I was 15 and I believe you were three years old, I came to visit you – Farrokh was so afraid of leaving me alone with you. I don’t know why. He told me in Persian (and Jane doesn’t know anything about this until this day) that I was becoming a whore and a mentally ill person like my mum and that I shouldn’t touch you. He called my mum horrible names and told me that I would be exactly like her if I didn’t change my mind and become a well-educated person.

Last time I came to visit you, I noticed that he was mean to both you and Jane in several ways. He was so condescending towards Jane, telling me in Persian that she better lose weight, that she was fat and that she was undesired. I questioned him several times but he got so mad that I was afraid to say something. I feel really ashamed today that I didn’t stand up for her, but I was too afraid. He is a very dominant and angry person so it’s very hard to express your real opinion around or to him.

Farrokh: Do you want to become a sorry person, Sonya?
Sonya: No, uncle…
Farrokh: Then listen to me – get an education or you’ll be the girl working at McDonalds in two years’ time!
Sonya: But I won’t – I’m in college and working at the same time!
Farrokh: You’re such a loser, just like your mother. You won’t be anything other than a loser. You’re worthless.

He completely destroyed my self-esteem.

It took me such a long time to contact you because I was so afraid about all the things that Farrokh told me that you felt about me. He made me think that you didn’t love or like me at all, and now I’m so glad we’re talking again.