May 20th, 2012 #2

I also had a great dream last night, only I subconsciously woke up crying. D was the focus. I walked into Science and took my seat, before realising that somebody was in the seat that was usually empty beside me and it was Dan. I didn't know that, of course, since I've never seen him before. We had to get these books out and I took mine out of my bag and he took his, and I glanced at it to see "Daniel W (Surname since I don't think it'd be great to say it on Blogspot lol) and I just sort of looked at him for a moment before looking away, because surely it couldn't be my Dan. I looked down at my book and then he said "It's me." I looked back at him and raised an eyebrow, not really trusting myself to speak and not wanting to get played if it was just some guy being a dick. He said "Dan. Online, V and Jack..." and he left it at that and I just looked at him for a moment before throwing my arms around his neck and pressing myself against him and holding him tightly. He wrapped his own arms around my waist and I hugged him and cried into his shoulder and he held me tight for a while before we pulled away and said nothing more. My dreams are always lucid and so I gained some sort of control. Beth walked past me and I went up to her and was nearly hysterical and on the verge of tears and stuff, telling her Dan was here and then it sped forwards to when we were all in one cloakroom - as if the girls and boys had been joined. Emma S was there and it seemed as if we were all doing DofE and she was a "leader" person of sorts. She smiled at me and I smiled back before realising I was standing between Dan and Beth. We were told to get into groups of four and some other people called Dan over, but he shook his head and stayed with me and I felt really, really great.
And then I woke up.
And I realised he would never choose me over anything else.
He doesn't care.
He acts as if he does, and pretends he does, and does it convincingly enough that I rely on him and I love him and I care about him so much that I favour him over my own family. And then he pulls my feet out from under me and I'm left with nothing. Again.