March 7th, 2012

18 minutes past March 6th. Yesterday we saw the EWO, Mrs. H and Mr. H and idk it was ok. I can basically come and go as I please until Easter and then after that idk. I think I'm dropping German and I won't be able to get an EBAC but I feel as if I'll have killed myself by the point of university anyway. Harsh but true. I'm all over the place lately. Consecutive nightmares, a mixture between dream and reality, I just don't know what I'm doing any more. I have lots of work to do for school and I just... don't bother. I feel like killing myself all the fucking time and so the fact teachers and my mum and school and stuff get worked up over work is something surprising to me. Well it's not since they don't know but I just can't..... compute. I can't do anything. Idk. I'm so fucking ugh no I don't know I'm just a dickhead. I really want somebody to love me. Not somebody that's going to be there all the time because I can't deal with that. But just somebody that I know cares about me no matter what. My mum obviously falls into this category but that doesn't count. I fucking hate everything and I don't know how I'm still breathing.