March 19th, 2012 #2

So today I'm officially starting to stop taking the fluoxetine. I think Dr W will put me on a different sort of medication for older people when I see him next week and ugh idk everything's crap wow. It's going to be really hard getting into school tomorrow but whatever. I'm super crap and I have internal exams soon and it's really hard to think about doing exams when really, I find it hard to feel as if I should be alive. Idk it's like... I have larger things on my mind than passing exams and being sociable. I feel like I could end it at any moment and at the same time I know I couldn't because the only thing I fear more than life is failing to kill myself. I'd only do it if I was sure it'd work. And that's horrid to say given I have my mum and my sister and such, but there it is. I'm struggling a lot. I've never really struggled before. I've always maintained good marks and stuff like that but I just suck lately. A* in English, B in Maths and 2 Cs in my Sciences and even though it's good apart from the Science I just feel so.... horrific. Idk I just, I kind of give up. Alfie attacked me the other day lol lol and I have the most horrid bite mark on my foot. It's going all scabby and starting to bruise and I'm fairly sure it'll scar. Speaking of scars, I spoke to my mum about summer yesterday night - about how I won't be able to wear a short sleeved shirt in the summer and idk she's so...... ok and supportive. I'm so afraid of making her crack and it's so hard to do anything fgs. New LW though: 127.0. It'll have gone up by tomorrow which sucks but whatever, I plan on becoming a complete and total hermit anyway.